Revival
If 2011 was a year of learning and growth, then I predict 2012 to be a year of revival. Not only in the “I’m going to revive those parts of my life that have become stagnant for one reason or another” but also in the sense that bygones will really become bygones, giving way to new, incredible things.
For those who don’t know me that well in real life, I’m a rather sensitive type. When life takes me down a path I would prefer not to have travelled, I tend to hold on to feelings of loss for what could have been.
In the past year or two I came to understand that life doesn’t always go the way you plan, and it’s not because “bad things just happen,” it’s because changes need to occur in order for life to open bigger doors for new opportunities. You can’t have everything and everyone in your life, so sometimes, circumstances must change in order for your life to progress.
That said, I want to speak candidly for a second about what brought me to this blog post in the first place. This morning I woke from a very strange dream filled with people from my distant past. Naturally, as someone who spends 10+ hours in social media would do, I did some poking around Facebook to check in on the lives of some old high school pals who appeared in my out-of-the-blue dream.
Seeing how nearly a decade has changed people, where they’re living, and what they’re up to was fun! Until, I came across something that punched me in the gut. My former best friend of 20 years got married in September and I didn’t even know it. We became estranged a few years back over something incredibly petty. After not speaking for a couple months I called to apologize for the things I said during that argument, hoping to make what was wrong, right, but unfortunately I was too late. I held on to the dream that she would call me back, missing me in her life as much as I missed her, but that day never came.
One day I realized that, though we spent most of our childhood as neighbors and friends, it just wasn’t meant to be as adults – the world had something better planned for us both.
Though I’m not going to lie, she still has a place in my heart and has remained in the back of my head since that very day.
Problem is, I haven’t really forgiven her for leaving me. I needed that closure, for someone so close had suddenly left with no explanation. But if I was honest with myself, it wasn’t closure that I needed, I simply wasn’t ready to let go of that part of my life.
Looking back, my journey through early adulthood would have been much less of a struggle if I would have moved on and let in new people and new opportunities to fill the void that was left, but I just wasn’t ready to do that, I wanted my friend by my side.
Now, I am ready. Having seen her wedding photos today made me see that she’s happy, and put a smile on my face knowing that we are both happy, even if we don’t get to share in that together.
Of course, this is just one example of the type of revival I’m referring to. There have certainly been other losses and failures (many of which have been countered by gains and successes, as life naturally tends to do) in my life since that day, some of which still surfaces from time to time, with sorrowful feelings. Today, I’m leaving all that behind.
Living with sadness over a loss or hiding from a failure (whether personal or professional) is no way to live. At some point, time has to do it’s healing, but you have to be willing to let it. Believe it or not you hold the key to having a healthy life – letting go of the past to move forward is a positive first step toward solid mental health. Today, I’m putting my emotional boo boos in times hand and opening my life to the new opportunities that lie ahead. I can’t wait to see what’s next.
How do you see revival fitting into your life in 2012?
Love and blue skies!
Ashley
Bucket List
This is such a cliche blog topic it almost makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. But, here I am, writing about it again anyway.
See here’s the thing, everyone goes through these periods where they become acutely aware of their own mortality – as skydivers, this has a tendency to creep up on us from time to time.
I’ve written pseudo bucket lists before – participated in blogger challenges like the “30 before 30″ list and all the jazz – but to me, those things are a bit self-centered (yes, I realize that, at it’s core, blogging is pretty self-centered, but bear with me here if you could).
This time of the year I have a tendency to get pretty reflective – to look back at the year, what I’ve accomplished vs. what I set out to do. I’m not one for “new year’s resolutions,” but I do like to set goals for myself just to keep me going. At the beginning of the year, I’m not going to lie, I was struggling with a lot. My heart and soul was focused on fixing what was wrong inside me and in the environment surrounding me, and I have to admit, as the end of 2011 is bearing down, I came out on top. Take that 2011.
Along with the changes, the accomplishments and the overall happiness that surrounds my world, December has brought on reflections not of myself, but of others in need.
As you’re all very aware, one of the things I pride myself on is the yearly Jump for Diabetes event that helps raise funds for the Juvenile Diabetes Research foundation and support diabetes research. It’s a cause close to my heart, and given that my husband is the founder of this wonderful event, it makes me even prouder that our little family is able to do something to give back every year.
(Small plug here, but if you want to continue to support our cause, you can do so throughout the year at http://jdrfillinois.org and when you click Donate Now, enter Jump for Diabetes in the special instructions. Help us get to our goal and find a cure for diabetes!)
With that, I’ve realized that a true bucket list is about more than what you want to accomplish, the places you want to visit and things you want to purchase by a set date, it’s about how you want to live your life and the ways you want to leave your mark on the world before you pass on.
I’m a firm believer that bucket lists are not set in stone, rather, they’re living, breathing documents that allow us to focus our energies on those things we want to accomplish in our lives. If thought through properly, a bucket list can set the tone for your adult life, provide a foundation for where you want to go, and give you motivation to achieve those goals. It’s not simply a list of to-dos, but a guide for who you want to become.
So below, in no particular order (hence, this list is not numbered) are a few of those things I see as bucket list material. Maybe one day I’ll sit down and draft my bucket list in full and post it here for all to see – but then, it’s seems rather “finalized,” and I like the idea of always being able to alter your path as changes occur in your life. For now, you get to see a few of my goals for living a positive, enjoyable life I can be proud to call mine.
Personally impact one person’s life in a positive way.
Give back in ways that life has provided for me (through mentorship, career and skydiving support, etc)
Spend one holiday season volunteering.
Travel.
Establish a not-for-profit and spread the word (this one, though accomplished, will be ongoing throughout my life).
Appreciate. (My husband, my extended family, my career, my health, my friends – appreciate all the good life has to offer, even when times are tough)
Commit to health and fitness with green smoothies, limited processed foods, regular workouts, etc.
Give animals in need a home: always adopt from rescue organizations and foster homes.
Don’t miss out on great opportunities because of obligation. Carpe diem – live life to it’s fullest.
Spend every day as if it might be the last – with friends, family and love in my heart.
I have to be honest, I really wanted to put something on this list about living out my wedding vows, and loving my husband. But truth be told, I don’t need to put that on a list, it’s something that comes completely natural to me. Appreciate… even when times are tough, seemed more appropriate, as I, like many people, struggle with focusing on the bad, even when so many things are good and right in my life.
What are some things you’d put on your bucket list? They can be specific or broad, but how do you want to live your life? How do you see your future playing out?
Love and blue skies!
Ashley
Zen Skydiver
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself in the whirlwind that’s my 20s it’s that yoga is good for my soul. So is skydiving. These are two things that have continued to hold a spot in my heart, no matter if I’m practicing or not.
Even when I’m unable to attend yoga classes, for one reason or another, my practice hasn’t stopped. The principles of yoga seep into my daily life, and only serve in helping me improve – in all aspects of life.
Progression in a sport like skydiving has a lot to do with overcoming fear (well, for me anyway). Skydiving has this way of throwing the reality of your own mortality in your face. Each jumper has their own way of dealing with this, from acknowledging the fear and consciously leaving it in the door on the way out of the airplane, to using their self-confidence to know that they have the ability to save their own life time and time again. Some even get cocky and complacent, of course this is not the recommended path for continuing in the sport.
Others, have more difficulty acknowleding their own fear – often feeling that it’s a sign of weakness – and therefore experience mental challenges in moving past this fear. This is where, in my life, yoga has come into play. That 10 minute ride to altitude becomes a meditation session, a time to reflect on the fear, visualize your perfect skydiving, and channel the power that lives behind that into your performance – into being your best.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. One thing I’ve found is that practicing yoga on the ground, meditating on everything from skydiving to your other hopes, dreams and fears can help make this practice feel more natural – make it something you crave on the way to altitude.
Of course, being a zen skydiver is just one way to deal with the fear, the butterflies that come along with an adrenaline sport. But, it’s the one that seems to work best for me, so I thought I’d share in the knowledge just a little bit. Regardless, I can’t stress the importance of acknowledging your feelings, whatever they might be, in order to move past the mental blocks and perform your best.
Love and Blues Skies!
Ashley
Superiority complex
As sort of a follow up to my last post about why we’re here and what we’re doing this for, I’d like to take a moment to talk about an issue that’s been weighing on my mind a bit.
The Skydiver Superiority Complex. Now, I’m not talking about those people who rag on other people within the sport – like freeflyers who think their better than belly flyers or wingsuiters who claim “this ain’t no head down bitches!” (one of my favorite lines, btw), as most of this is said in jest, giving others crap around the dropzone – it can be a favorite past time.
What I’m talking about are those jumpers out there who think that, simply because they are skydivers, they are superior to everyone else in life. Like skydiving is this club that, until you’ve gotten in you’re just not cool enough.
Sure, I’ll be the first to admit that skydiving has this way of changing your perspective on life, but that doesn’t mean that, in order to get the most out of life you MUST skydive. Certainly, I’d love to have all my friends experience what freefall is like, to understand the change that this sport can bring about in your way of approaching the world, but that certainly doesn’t mean I think that I’m better at life than those who haven’t jumped – that’s just pure foolishness.
Too often I hear skydivers, especially the newbies, talking about how they just didn’t get the meaning of life until their first skydive. That until you save your own life, you just can’t understand what it means to truly live. Well, here’s the reality of the situation – just because YOU didn’t get how to fully embrace life until you experienced flight, doesn’t mean others don’t get it.
I mean, sure, if you grew up in a middle class family (or above) that sent you to college and you’ve either been in school or working on your career since then there’s a good chance you fall into this category (I certainly did). But I know plenty of people who had different paths who, most likely, know the value of living just as much, if not more, than I do.
I guess the questions here is, do you really think you’re superior to others now that you’ve fell from 14,000 and successfully saved your own life, or is it that you just encourage everyone else to seek out this opportunity as well, but you have a really strange way of conveying it? I’d like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt on this one and say the latter, but I truly believe there are people out there “knowing” and speaking of their superiority because skydiving has become their favorite past time. And for all those, there are an equal number of rock climbers and motorcyclists and other extreme sports junkies scoffing because in reality, their sport is a whole hell of a lot more dangerous than ours.
Next time you think about opening your mouth about how someone just can’t know what living is until they jump out of an airplane, maybe take two seconds to remind yourself that you have no idea what others have been through in their life, and there’s a good chance they know so much more about life than you. Instead, swap some life stories – you might actually learn something interesting about them.
Love and Blue Skies!
Ashley
What it’s all about
When I talk about skydiving, with skydivers and whuffos alike, sometimes I can’t help but step back from the conversation to wonder what it’s all about. Thing is, when you’re a skydiver, or painter or writer, or whatever it is that gets you out of bed in the morning, there’s something deep down that’s driving you.
Listening to skydivers chatter on incessently about how great they are can seem like fingernails on a chalkboard to even the most interested audience. One thing to remember though, is that it’s not just that we like to hear our own voices go on and on about ourselves – though so often that is also true – it’s that we have a true passion for this sport.
It’s easy to get caught up in the madness of a dropzone, the drama and politics that come along with a group of highly connected, type-A personalities who are all working toward the same goal. Thing about that goal is this – you’re truly only fighting with yourself to get there. And I think that’s what I like most about this sport. If you’re good enough, and you practice enough and you put enough of your heart and soul into it, you can get exactly where you want to be.
For some, they crave the ability to be instructors – to get their ratings in order to give back to the community some of what they were given as young pups in the sport. For others, they are focused on getting invited to that next big way invitational. Others spend hours in the tunnel in the off season and bucko bucks when it’s nice out to get extra coaching needed in order to compete at nationals. And some of us just want to be good enough in our discipline to know that on every jump we’ll be a part of the formation and can keep on having a blast! Whatever the goal is, most of us out here have one, or two, or three – all of which include a desire to improve ourselves.
So, it’s not just about being on a record or being the “best” or even having trained with the “best,” but it’s about being your best, and really making something out of the passion in your heart. If that wasn’t the case, I can guarantee 90% of us wouldn’t be here in the first place.
Love and blue skies!
Ashley
Oh the possibilities
As skydivers, we tend to be dreamers.
Yes, this is a fairly bold statement to make, as it’s making assumptions about a category of people that is typically so diverse it can be difficult to find a single trait that cross the spectrum of skydivers, but think about it for a second.
Skydiving is one of those sports where, we all started from one. Every single one of us had a first skydive at one point or another. We all started out not having a clue – because really, with an activity like this that’s so unnatural for humans in the first place, how could you really have any idea what to expect? We all have to go through a process of learning. Some learn faster than others and are labelled “naturals,” but I’m a firm believer in the idea that there’s nothing “natural” about this, so to me these people are just quick studies.
Regardless, the one thing I’ve found to be pretty standard across the broad spectrum of skydivers (as I’ve noted before, you get everything from surgeons and dentists to business men and women to college kids to full time packers/skydivers and everything in between at the dropzone…there’s not a “typical” jumper from what I’ve seen) is that we’re all dreamers, in one way or another.
With our first jump we all had a dream to continue on in this sport (true because, we’re here, aren’t we?), in one form or another. Whether it was knowing from day one that you wanted to fly a wingsuit so you followed protocol, jumped through all the hoops (no pun intended) and got your 200 jumps so you could fly that wingsuit and never look back, or whether you set out to learn as much as you could to be able to get your ratings so you can turn around and teach others to enjoy the sport just as much as you, or if you knew you wanted to compete, so you work hard, spend time in the tunnel to get on a 4-way team. Whatever the path you ended up taking was the one initially envisioned, we all had a dream within this sport – even the simplest “I want to get my license so I can do this whenever I want,” was your only goal.
This was initially my intention. Of course, once I entered the skydiving community and realized how many great people and how many cool things there were to do and see, my vision changed.
For me, as I looked at the future, the possibilities were endless. The landscape is ever changing, there are always new challenges. Skydiving is one of those sports that has so many facets, so many disciplines to learn, that once you’ve mastered one thing, there’s a new challenge awaiting you.
This is something I’ve always relished about skydiving, the never-ending personal challenge involved. You don’t have to go to Nationals to get your competitive juices flowing. You can compete every single time you jump – even if it’s only with yourself.
If you work hard to progress in the sport and open yourself up to new challenges, you just might be surprised at the doors that seemingly open themselves and attempt to pull you through to the next opportunity. I continue to be amazed by how much my life has changed since skydiving. Not all of it has happened through the skydiving world, but I do have the sport to thank for opening my eyes to what it is I want and the paths I decide to take in this life.
Life is short, sometimes too short, and taking advantage of those chances to make your life better, and allow you to make it better for the people around you, that’s what it’s all about.
Skydiver or not, there’s a lot to learn just by lifting your head skyward and looking up at the possibilities – you might be surprised what you see. Opportunities will cross in front of your face every single day, if you let them. Start putting the pieces of the life you want to lead together, and open your eyes to all the possibilities that the universe is offering up.
Love and Blue Skies!
Ashley
I’d rather be skydiving: Segway Edition
For my regular readers, y’all are aware of the fact that I recently made a rather hefty life change and moved back to the Midwest (as I grew up a Michigander), to the city of Chicago. Though we’ve only been here two weeks, I can already tell you that I’m loving it!
This past weekend Rick and I decided to be tourists in our new town and go on a segway tour of the city. I know it’s sounds insanely cheesy coming from the mouth (er, uh, I suppose it would be fingers in this instance) of a skydiver, but this was incredibly fun!
This is what a segway looks like, for those who might not be familiar. And yes, we wore the ridiculous looking helmets.
Our reservations were on Saturday, which ended up being the perfect fall day, and we spent three hours on these machines touring the city without breaking a sweat.
We were able to cover somewhere between 8 and 10 miles and catch the Chicago sights, including:
Soldier Field
Grant Park and Buckingham Fountain
Shedd Aquarium and Museum Campus
Alder Planetarium - which boasts the best view of the Chicago skyline
Millennium Park and the most photographed piece of art in Chicago - Bonus points for those who actually know the name of "the bean"
And they even stopped just outside of museum campus to let us chow down on a Chicago Dog:
If you've never had one, they're a must try!
Of course, the weekend wasn’t complete without a trip to the dropzone where, as I mentioned earlier this week, I got my new canopy all hooked up, flew it for and packed it. Maybe in the near future I’ll do a post on tips for packing new canopies…though in the meantime if you know of any, please send them my way, that thing is a bitch to pack!
Love and Blue Skies!
Ashley
Chicks Rock 2010
Five days in Southern California, delayed flights coming home, early morning for catching up at the office….needless to say I’m a little drained today.
But, that won’t stop me from giving a recap of the Chicks Rock boogie! Though I ask you to give me a little compassion on my writing skills as they aren’t up to par with only half a sleepy brain at work.
Anyhow, the 5 days we spent in LA were a blast! We showed up to the boogie on day 1 (Thursday) with high hopes to get in a handful of jumps while my aunt, uncle and cousins (the reason we were in LA to begin with) were all at work. Well, though we could see the blue skies, this nasty system sat over Skydive Elsinore and kept us on the ground.
So, we tried again on Friday. One jump and weather rolled in…so we headed out a little early.
Saturday the weather played much nicer and we were able to do some more skydiving. I was even able to get onto the sunset all-girls tracking dive with Melanie Curtis (aka, Melsinore). Which, can I just stop for a moment and say, what a cool freakin’ chick! Not just because she’s a totally badass skydiver and swooper, but because she has every reason to be arrogant and full of herself and she’s about as far from that as you can get! She did her best to include so many different girls on the all-chick jumps throughout the weekend (must say, I felt pretty great having her ask me to join the sunset tracking dive) and I’m amazed at how many names she was able to learn in such a short event. On top of that, when we ran into her randomly at the Carl’s Jr. by LAX, she didn’t hesitate to stop and bullshit with us for 10 minutes or so. And that girl knows how to throw a pretty great event!
Throughout the weekend we ran into people we’d met elsewhere, lots of badass skydiving chicks, mingled with the ladies at Blue Skies Mag and some of my favorites (read: Kelly and Gail) over at Infinity. The vibe was very chill and everyone was so friendly. I even heard a story on the packing mats that if you’re going to have a cutaway, Elsinore is the place to do it — apparently they’re quick to retrieve your main, freebag, and even you if you land off. That’s always comforting to hear! Definitely a place I’d like to visit again soon.
Needless to say we had a great weekend (aside from the intense heat that I wasn’t used to, but that’s an entirely different story altogether). Wish I had more than the one video to share, but my pictures from the nigh swoops didn’t come out, so you’ll have to live with that.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Love and Blue Skies!
Ashley
What did you do with your dash?
If there’s one thing I love most about the skydiving community, it’s the ability to learn from others. All those times spent on the ground, telling stories when the beer light comes on, watching videos, even learning from others misfortunes. It all makes us better skydivers.
So that’s what’s brought me to this post – which is more of a life lesson that I’d like to share. There are some people out there who I’m sure could benefit from this more than others, but it’s a good read none the less.
This week I spent a few days at home with my family during a time of loss, and a poem surfaced. It struck a lot of us hard at the time, and since, it’s been something I haven’t been able to get out of my head:
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end
He noted that first came the date of her birth, and spoke the following date with tears
But he said what mattered most of all, was the dash BETWEEN those years.
For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on Earth
And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth
For it matters not how much we own; the cars, the house, the cash
What matters is how we live and love, and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard, are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged
If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand the way other people feel
And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash might only last a little while
So when YOUR eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?
Deep stuff huh? Actually, not really. It’s pretty simple. Live your life how you want to be remembered. Find time for those things that are most important to you, and the people who matter most. Where I really learned a lesson in this one – stop wasting time on those who really don’t give a shit. Trusting your instincts when it comes to character judgement – it’s usually pretty accurate.
My family recently lost one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met. It was always about her family. We can all take a lesson from someone like that…especially in sports like skydiving where it’s not uncommon that people are trying to bring the focus to themselves.
That’s all fine and great, but in the end, is that how you want to be remembered?
A little food for thought from wise poet Linda Ellis.
Love and blue skies!
Ashley
A little on downsizing
This weekend Rick and I headed to Start Skydiving in Middleton, Ohio with our friend Joe for a weekend of “all you can eat” skydiving as we were calling it. They were running a special, $210 for all the jumps you can make in a weekend. We had to take advantage of that!
The first day we made 10 skydives, so Sunday we jumped for free! That’s good stuff right there.
We also were able to make night jumps for our D-license requirements. This is a great dropzone to do night jumps, the LZ is huge and the hangar lights shine into part of the designated landing area so if you’re accurate you can see your feet as you land, making it pretty cakey if you ask me.
Lots of great freefly jumps were made this weekend, too! More docks than I’ve ever made in a single weekend, and my partner and I realized just how much we’re getting it together. Fall rate is less of an issue than it’s ever been and we spend most of our jumps face to face, docking on each other. I LOVE skydiving with him!! 
I also was able to demo a “new” canopy this weekend. On the first jump of the weekend we were teamed up with one of the local freeflyers who mentioned that he had a Sabre2 for sale. This got my attention as that’s what I’ve had my eyes open for lately – but when he mentioned it was a 120, I was hesitant.
After a few conversations with trusted friends and fellow jumpers, I felt confident that I could fly it. So I took it for a spin on a hop ‘n pop. I went without a weight belt, or even a jumpsuit, just to get a flavor of how it flew. It opened like a dream…definitely a different story than my Sabre 1. The responsiveness is incredible, pull a toggle and it goes! Landing was a breeze too – the flare is nice and strong, so even coming in a little hot I’m able to get it to slow up enough to tiptoe out.
So, I decided to take it for a full-altitude skydive on the next jump, weight belt, jumpsuit and all. Sure enough, I loved it just as much on this jump too!
I continued to use this canopy throughout the weekend – even through night jumps. It finally feels like I’m in charge of the canopy and I can make it do what I want…and I’m not staying in the sky for 10 minutes! So I brought it home for my rigger to inspect…fingers crossed.
Now, here’s my disclaimer. For anyone who is counting, I skipped a step in the canopy downsize process. I started on a Triathlon 160, downsized to a Sabre 1 150 and now I’m on to a 120. As I mentioned earlier, I was hesitant when he said 120, I even mentioned that “it’d be great if it was a 135,” but given that I’m about 130 pounds out the door, those with much more experience than me advised that I’d be alright.
Normally, I wouldn’t recommend people skip steps in downsizing like this, but every person is different and it all depends on your flying ability and what you want to do with the canopy. After almost 10 jumps on it, I definitely feel confident. This canopy gives me room to grow. There’s so much I can do with it over time. And for right now, as a pretty conservative canopy pilot, it gets me to the ground quickly and safely.
So when it comes time to downsize, demoing is a good idea. You never know what you might be getting yourself into, so try before you buy and see what’s right for you.
Blue skies!
Ashley